This week, I have seen so much about the Chick-fil-A issue that it seemed like I should write something about it. Mostly, I'm frustrated by the fact that there is a conversation happening about whether or not Chick-fil-A is anti-gay. Maybe y'all haven't encountered these conversations like I have, but Facebook, which I contemplate abandoning as the election grows closer and the posts grow more ridiculous, provided me with several debates about Chick-fil-A's status in relation to the LGBT community. Chick-fil-A itself provided a strange and seemingly contradictory series of statements one after the other.
It's not exactly a secret that Chick-fil-A runs its business on what it calls "biblically-based principals." Anyone who ever had a craving for some chicken, waffle fries, or a shake on Sunday has come face-to-closed sign with Chick-fil-A's most obvious statement of faith-based operation. A lot of people might not have been aware, however, that along with being closed on Sunday and helping with school fundraisers and other community events, Chick-fil-A also expresses its faith via donations to groups such as the Family Research Council and Exodus International, the latter of which is an organization for people "looking for help in their journey out of homosexuality."
Both of these organizations are vehemently anti-gay. When I say vehemently anti-gay, I mean these groups still associate homosexuality with child abuse and believe in "reparative therapy," which the American Psychological Association notes "seems likely to exacerbate the risk of harassment, harm, and fear for these youth." Obviously, a major platform of these organizations is that marriage is between one man and one woman, which brings us back to Chick-fil-A.
When asked whether the company supported the "traditional" family unit of one man and one woman, Dan Cathy, Chick-fil-A's president said, "Well, guilty as charged." Financial donations to the above support his statement, as does his additional comment that, "We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives." (Family here clearly excludes LGBT families. Divorced straight folks, Chick-fil-A probably takes issue with you too, if that statement is any indication.) Update: I've seen posts noting that the views and/or donations of the CEO don't reflect the views of franchise owners or employees. It's more than the CEO. It's corporate donations via the
"charitable" arm of the company. Chick-fil-A, you're anti-gay and you own up to it. Fine.
This is their most recent FB status, though:
"The Chick-fil-A culture and service tradition in our restaurants is to treat every person with honor, dignity and respect – regardless of their belief, race, creed, sexual orientation or gender. We will continue this tradition in the over 1,600 Restaurants run by independent Owner/Operators. Going forward, our intent is to leave the policy debate over same-sex marriage to the government and political arena.
Chick-fil-A is a family-owned and family-led company serving the communities in which it operates. From the day Truett Cathy started the company, he began applying biblically-based principles to managing his business. For example, we believe that closing on Sundays, operating debt-free and devoting a percentage of our profits back to our communities are what make us a stronger company and Chick-fil-A family.
Our mission is simple: to serve great food, provide genuine hospitality and have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A."
Wait, what? Chick-fil-A on the one hand supports anti-gay policy and simultaneously essentially claims not to be homophobic or anti-gay. It's a strange thing. Honestly, it would have been nice to just have them own what was happening. Instead, there's a weird attempted coverup of the homophobia. There's now a trend among groups like this to claim that they do not treat anyone poorly and that their aim is to express God's love and be good to all people. "We're not anti-anybody. All people are welcome." I've seen Facebook posts and heard many conversations on our campus that concluded that support for "traditional" marriage doesn't make a person anti-gay or intolerant. People can still act lovingly toward gay people without supporting their "lifestyle" or without accepting their relationships. To bring the issue back to campus, many people say Rhodes groups shouldn't worry about buying food for fundraisers from Chick-fil-A. It's not a problem. It doesn't conflict with our Commitment to Diversity because after all, what does it matter that Chick-fil-A supports these groups if they treat gay people well in their establishments and even hire them and let them own franchises? They're not anti-gay or discriminatory. They just don't agree with homosexuality or same-sex marriage.
So, let's break it down. I think there's an interesting form of homophobia going on here: the refusal of anti-gay individuals to acknowledge the validity of LGBT identity leads them to conclude that they are not anti-anybody; they're just fighting immorality or sin. This attitude is paired with the pretty popular idea that being anti-gay is not a form of discrimination but is a valid opinion in a largely political debate. Being homophobic is still a socially acceptable form of discrimination, and in fact, is often presented as a righteous form of discrimination, based in religious principle. It seems like these two things together lead people to say things like, "Chick-fil-A isn't anti-gay. It has every right to oppose same-sex marriage. It's ridiculous to boycott them; it's not like they're discriminating." Okay. But they are discriminating. They may hire LGBT people and feel fine taking their money, but their financial contributions support groups and attitudes that try to make same-sex relationships as close to illegal as possible.
Let's start with the fact that you don't have to throw a rock at a gay person or join Westboro to be anti-gay. It can be more subtle than that, although honestly donations to Exodus don't seem very subtle to me. Maybe, though, those are easier to pass off than outright refusal to serve a group of people. In the case of Chick-fil-A, there's a financial benefit to making decisions that don't alienate potential customers and their supportive friends and family. (Update: Look at the Jim Henson Company, who pulled their support, got a check from Chick-fil-A to end the toy deal, and donated that money to GLAAD. Chick-fil-A's announcement about the removal of Muppets toys indicates that there might have been safety issues and says nothing about the company's political motivations. Um, right.) It's not always smart to get political, especially about LGBT rights, which have continuously growing support. There's one possible reason for the clear discrepancies between Chick-fil-A's money and its mouth.
Considering this issue further though, Chick-fil-A is by no means unique in their confusing statements about their attitude toward LGBT individuals, although they might have more stock in presenting themselves as loving. Many people function the same way that Chick-fil-A does, interacting well with LGBT people personally but donating to organizations and political campaigns that seek to make life for LGBT individuals much more difficult and painful than it already can be. For example, there's an in-between for many gay people in relation to their religious families and friends. Many of us have never been kicked out of the house. We haven't been exorcised or sent to Exodus International against our will. In fact, we've been treated, for the most part, the same as we were before we came out or before the family found out and decided never to discuss it or whatever happened. We have also, however, been afraid to bring a significant other home. We've left the room during discussions about LGBT rights for fear of yelling, crying, or both. We've heard family members tsk about Ellen's lifestyle choice or about that gay couple on Modern Family, a show they would love if it didn't promote those values. We've watched family members support financially or with yard signs and bumper stickers politicians who compare homosexuality to beastiality and pedophilia and who believe same-sex marriage could topple the nation. A family member once asked me why I took it so personally when he made a statement about how gay men brought AIDS upon themselves and argued that same-sex marriage shouldn't be legal because it's gross and because of the Bible. We had an hours-long fight. I love and respect this person so much, and his statements hurt me more than almost anyone else's could. He doesn't consider himself anti-gay or homophobic. He has a gay employee. He has been to a gay bar. He loves me and supports me and is proud of me; how could he be anti-gay?
It's frustrating to work through a stance that simultaneously righteously condemns homosexuality and claims to treat all people with love and respect. "We're not anti-anybody," a statement made based on the idea that being gay is just an unfortunately sinful facet of a person that can be overcome and/or on the notion that literal physical violence or confrontation is the only sign of homophobia, is at best misguided and confused and at worst plainly dishonest. When people claim that they aren't anti-anybody and simultaneously fight LGBT rights, they're engaging in another, more subtle, form of homophobia, which is erasing the LGBT part of the person. It doesn't have to be yelling and screaming, although there's still plenty of that in the anti-gay camp, particularly within the organizations that Chick-fil-A supports, but it is anti-gay. It's the major cause of the conflict: anti-gay people refuse to acknowledge that LGBT individuals are actually LGBT. They believe instead that we have come under the influence of sin or have made an immoral choice, something that can be removed or at least fought and denied. Based on this approach, there really isn't a way to be anti-gay because there's a wholesale denial of the reality of LGBT individuals and community. It's an erasure, basically, of the legitimacy of LGBT identity. It prohibits any kind of conversation about LGBT rights because it denies the experience of most LGBT people, which is that their sexual orientation or gender expression is a definite and irremovable part of who they are. I am a lesbian. That's a part of my identity, part of who I am as a person. Refusing to acknowledge or deal with my sexuality and then claiming that you treat me with honor and dignity or, in the case of religious friends and family, love me as a whole person doesn't work. I can't be separated from my sexuality. Saying that I can is to discredit or condemn a part of my identity.
Chick-fil-A is anti-gay because when they support the previously mentioned organizations and their viewpoints and they vocally oppose same-sex marriage, they refuse to give LGBT people and LGBT families the same respect and rights that they give heterosexual people and families. That is discrimination, whether or not people choose to acknowledge it as such. I would encourage LGBT people and their supporters to stop eating at Chick-fil-A. For me, it's about self-respect. I have to consider the fact that this organization donates money to groups that tell young gay people that they should be ashamed of themselves and that they just aren't trying hard enough to fix themselves. Treating LGBT people with "honor, dignity, and respect" does not include making statements about how same-sex relationships are invalid or inferior or making financial contributions to organizations that believe bullying LGBT kids is a part of religious freedom. Please understand that smiling at me while you take my milk shake money doesn't negate a vote to take away my right to marry or a dollar to a group that thinks the gay can be prayed away. From my perspective, those political and financial actions are direct attacks on me as a person. That's not loving; it's homophobic. Forcing LGBT people to call your homophobia what it is while you act offended, claiming that you always treat everyone with love, helps nothing. It's insulting, really.
It's more difficult with family and friends who take the same approach as Chick-fil-A. Obviously, relationships mean more than waffle fries. Maybe, though, it's time to start calling people on the discrepancy between what they're saying and what they're doing. It's easy for family members and friends to block out the LGBT part of us, and speaking personally, it's easier not to bring it up or to let anti-gay things slide to avoid a conflict. Maybe, though, being forceful about issues like Chick-fil-A is the start of a larger conversation about the way we give anti-gay attitudes and statements so much more ground than any other form of prejudice. It's a way to point out that giving money to a group that fights LGBT rights isn't an abstract moral position or political statement; it's a move to refuse to let me visit my partner in the hospital when she's sick, to deny Sally Ride's partner of 20-something years any benefits, or to send a message to children of same-sex couples that their families aren't real or don't mean as much. LGBT people are real and have relationships, whether people want to acknowledge that fact or not. Personally, I'm still closeted to many people out of fear that I'll be alienated from many family and friends. It makes my stomach hurt and I feel truly ashamed about it, especially when things like this happen, so this is one move to work on that. I hate lying, and I know the potential benefits of telling the truth. Being out and talking about these issues, even with family members that disagree completely, might be a move to make them think about the personal connection they have to the issue. It might not change anyone's mind, but letting a person know how much it hurts to listen to statements about the depravity of homosexuality and then, maybe refusing to be around those conversations or those people, could make an impact. At minimum, it will constantly remind people of the closeness of an LGBT individual and maybe put a face on the donation or the vote to take away LGBT rights.
Chick-fil-A and people who agree with it absolutely have the right to oppose same-sex marriage and adoption, to support candidates who want to scale back LGBT rights, to give money to Exodus. They can also treat LGBT people well in their personal interactions, business transaction, and lives generally. The deal is, though, that people, just like Chick-fil-A, need to be honest about what's really happening. Just because you didn't kick your gay child out of the house or stop talking to your friend when they came out to you, doesn't mean you're not still anti-gay. Just because a Chick-fil-A employee doesn't throw waffle fry grease and a Bible at me when I order, doesn't mean that Chick-fil-A isn't anti-gay. Donating to Exodus is a homophobic action. "Love the sinner, hate the sin" is a homophobic attitude. These things are also forms of discrimination against LGBT people, denying them rights and making them feel ashamed and unsafe in their communities and families. LGBT people and their allies should react to those actions and attitudes for what they are instead of letting them slide or exempting them as expressions of faith, as if that automatically provides moral high ground.
Believe what you believe, eat at Chick-fil-A or don't eat at Chick-fil-A, but call it what it is: anti-gay.
